First of all... this is a starter pistol. I am firing it to begin the 5K Marathon For Curing Terminal Diseases And Also Awareness For Things That Need More Awareness. It's a charity. We raised like wild cheddars for people with clubbed out feet and all that. The smoke you see is confetti. Those people in the background are runners. They're running... away... in the same direction... because that's how races work. Who told you different? Was it Carl? Yeah... Carl is a dick. Carl should spend less time spreading rumors about me and more time NOT cheating on his wife with that lady from the dry cleaners. Yeah Carl I KNOW. Everybody knows. Your Camry has been parked outside her apartment like four times this month. You're not slick. You drive a 2019 Camry... the official car of guys who think they're slick but are NOT slick. And why you looking at my face like that? I'm smiling. This is my smile. Oh... because I don't do it like YOU do it... with the head tilt and the teeth... like your mom did in college when she met the entire lacrosse team... its not a "real smile"??? That's racist. You just did a racism on me and I won't stand for it. Anyway the marathon went great and I am definitely not in the middle of a coke war in the bronx, so maybe mind yer business.

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